XV

CONSIDER ADDITIONAL MATTERS PERTAINING TO THE PHILOSOPHY OF GOVERNMENT

We to the Blue Ball Yard and thence to a coffee house there further to consider additional matters pertaining to the Philosophy of Government.

THE TRAVELLER. Sitting at our ease, snug against a handsome casement-window set to the front of the coffee house, we supped gratefully from our dishes of beverage, Albert having commanded a speciality of the house, a brew flavoured with an extract of figs. Many were The Members of The Ruling Council and their followers who patronized the establishment. He informed me the aroma of extract of figs engendered in them a soothing reminiscence of their schooldays, allied with warm recollections, of buxom dispensing matrons.

I informed my companion of my own satisfaction imbibing the hot liquid, for though our tour through the many corridors, halls, and chambers of The Seat of Government had been informative, the temperature within the aforesaid places had in general been chill.

ALBERT. “Tell me Sir if there are other questions you would ask of me regarding our mode of government directly arising from our perambulation?”

THE TRAVELLER. Albert goosed the serving-wench who passed our table at that moment, seemingly to the satisfaction of one, and the indulgent smile of the other. I was later informed on sound authority that size and firmness of buttock was the principal consideration when the owner of the coffee house was engaging female helpers.

ALBERT. Not waiting for me to answer “The Return to The Fundament is the keystone.”

THE TRAVELLER. I begged of him to outline the basic concepts, to me unfamiliar, and opened my notebook in preparedness to write down his responses.

ALBERT. “Recollection of The Golden Age is central. That time when all was well-ordered. Peace reigned throughout the kingdom. Every man bade attention to his own concerns and respected in turn those of his fellows. Man and wife was an immutable contract. Children obedient and concerned to obtain the approval of their parents and teachers. No man coveted the goods of another and rested content with both his situation and his place within society. Furthermore boiled-potatoes did at that time taste ambrosial.”

THE TRAVELLER. Astonished, I asked of him during what period in the past did such an age exist, my own studies of the history of both the ancient and modern world until this time not having revealed the existence of so idyllic a society.

ALBERT. “Goodness Sir! I trust you will excuse my apparent mirth when appraising your response. Why should such an age have had to exist. It is sufficient to itself that people think it once was reality.”

THE TRAVELLER. I could not but concur that the words of The Chroniclers must be read along both the lines of and the spaces between them. Then I pressed him to review for my delectation what was the essence of the Return to the Fundament.

ALBERT. The resurgence of The Golden Age. It can Sir be concluded without recourse to further examination that moral and material impoverishment is always the result of the perversity within the lower orders of society. Their wilful refusal in not giving due regard to the wisdom and direction of those who rule. Show me a man without work and I will show you where the fault lies. A family in want. Look no further than the man without work. This is but one example. The Return to the Fundament will if applied in full measure fetch publick and private conduct to a former state of contented equilibrium.”

THE TRAVELLER. I observed that whilst morality in thought and conduct was much to be desired and had in truth often been proposed by many of The Ancients, surely the intrinsic frailty of mankind was set against universal adoption.

ALBERT. “Tis True Sir but rightly one might inquire wither the striving for wealth and position worth the game if individual inclinations are to be denied. The sublime quality of this philosophy as proposed is that it is a system of conduct exclusive to those who are ruled but not the rulers.”

THE TRAVELLER. Such policies I pressed will within a greater or lesser time surely stir up rebellion within the breasts of the ruled, seeing one proscription of conduct for themselves and another for their betters.

ALBERT. “Look deeper Sir, I beg of you. For countless generations The Island of Herttach has practiced the art of subtle government. Hands whose guiding and cajoling touch is scarcely felt by the population at large. Further still, within these shores, to say one thing and do another, and then mean something at odds with both cases, is as an act as natural as procreation. Though in general Sir I do concur you have a point well made. Therefore you already knowing something of our customs it will be of little surprise for you to learn these concerns to which you allude to have already been addressed. Perhaps you will recall from your studies of history the Profession of Pardoner?”

THE TRAVELLER. The Pardoner was an individual sanctioned by high authority, who travelled about continents and islands in times past selling for a fee documents that would expunge personal responsibility for unseemly conduct, the greater the infraction, the larger the sum required.

ALBERT. “Your description is both accurate and relevant to my case. I tell you Sir, soon this ancient practice is to be revived. Pardons will be authorized and issued by a new cabinet of government and will be made readily available to persons from within the higher echelons of society. A payment of One Thousand Herttach Crowns will militate monetary infractions. Two thousand Herttach Crowns smooth the difficulties that result from maintaining an unofficial spouse or mistress. Ten Thousand Herttach Crowns consign to oblivion the diversion of funds from the coffers of state. Fifteen thousand Herttach Crowns excuse in full the drafting of unlawful contracts. In truth Sir a scale of payments will be enabled to deal with any given circumstance. The Cabinet of Official Pardons will sit in council to consider each and every case and propose appropriate terms to the satisfaction of all concerned. Consider the symmetry of these proposals Sir. The State will benefit from additional revenue. The Pardoned will benefit having made monetary acknowledgement as to their lapse, the nature of which will not be publickly revealed.”

THE TRAVELLER. I could but only reply that I could see that the proposals did merit serious examination and went on to ask why the system of Pardon by Payment could not be applied to all classes of society?

ALBERT. “All Classes Sir! No country that desires survival can sanction universal immorality. That is self evident. Political and moral thinkers have long recognized that morality is by its nature fluid. What is for one man a dire act, is for another but a trifle. In the estimation of the Ruling Council, following the application of these proposals, the general population will fervently embrace The Return to The Fundament appreciating that even their superiors will by wont of an established system of fiscal means pay lip service to the same tenets as they themselves are subject to.”

THE TRAVELLER. Drinking the last drops of fig coffee that remained in my china dish, I warmly thanked Albert for his lucid explanation and took the opportunity to jot down a few additional notes further to writing up my journal in greater detail when we returned to our lodgings that evening. We then took cordial leave of the patron of the coffee house, Albert casting a final glance across the ample rump of the serving wench as she walked off through the door that separated the scullion from the civilized world beyond.